I’ve been on and off the phone all day with the one and only Joe “The Ball” Tall. I realized about 20 minutes ago that what I’m doing right now is considered my job.

Thanks Jay, Rob, Chris, and Joe. Best job ever.

LOL WHO ARE WE KIDDING - Bikini Inspector is better.

Not taking anything 100% seriously since he was 19,

Charles

So KRANTZ has me doing crossfit. What is crossfit? It’s basically an insurance policy. In the event we are attacked by mutants who can only be defeated via hand to hand combat - I will be conditioned to the point where I will be able to compete with the enemy.

But seriously I almost died yesterday and today I barely made it through (though I did) - meaning crossfit and I are now tied.

It is a lot of fun and very challenging. Our trainer is a beast with a calm demeanor. Kind of like one of those Moms you don’t that never yells, but their kids listen.

I’ve been trying to watch Michael Phelps race but have missed every one.

In other news - brace for epic.

If ever there was a place to jump back on the justicewagon it would of course be the red eye coming back from Seattle after a week of DeucesCracked glory with Chris “I knock with 0 after 3 draws” DeathDonkey, Joe “Keep me away from beachballs” Tall, Rob “Ninjas or bust” Entity, Aaron “You don’t know who I am because I don’t play poker” Marketting Guy, Dan “I has a pair” DJ Sensei, and of couse - Jonas “I am not some old time gambler” RiverBoatKing.

Luckily the chick next to me has a mask on. She’s got one of those awesome “fuck off I’m napping” things on, but then again so do I (resting above my eyes). I was trying to sleep then the chick next to me found it in her best interest to rest her foot on my chair.

Hi Chuck, I’m going to take the space off the 6 inch seat you’re currently propped up on and just fuck you over for the whole weekend. See, I have an awesome weekend coming up. But I decided it’s going to be dictated by the flight. Now, if i was smart I wouldn’t let it dictate my weekend. But then again if I was smart I wouldn’t think mixing beer and ice cream is a good idea. I don’t. So that makes me smart. Wait.

I’m seriously ready to open the emergency exit door, watch this skinny chick fly through at around 110 mph, close it back up, and high five someone. Also I can’t type correctly because my middle finger is sprained/gross/broken-ish.

Of course all that’s on right now is horrendous late night television. Apparently there is a show “I know my kid’s a star” where one Mom yells to another “Yaw daw-ta came affa my daw-ta en if she come affa my daw-ta again imma kick yo’ asss”. Real classy. I wonder if every time people like that end up on TV Darwin rolls over in his grave. As for the kids on that show. I love kids. Not all kids. Not those kids. I’d say sorry but don’t think they’d listen.

These freecreditreport.com commercials - first off it’s not free - are almost as bad as the cnet commercials. The original cnet commercials had an out of shape cave man looking dude basically wind up on some island and I guess start a company. Of course, he lacked this iniative on the mainland, but I guess with his back against the wall he and this fucking monkey (clearly a metaphor for the present day work force) decided they were going to start a company. Cnet, instead of rescuing him left him there. Based on his hippy ass looks I guess his ultra conservative Dad owns a good chunk of cnet and told them to leave him there and leave him there until he started a company.

Anyway, they decided to make some more commercials. One of them has him on the island and he sees a bunch of footprints and calls cnet, tells them the “competition is getting a little close” and wants to learn about network security. Clearly this guy is going to get killed. He should cut the shit and get LOST on dvd. Cnet dude - Jack’s dad probably knows your dad. Tell him to hook you up and GET OFF THE ISLAND. Walt will get you season tickets to the trailblazers. It will be bitchin’.

Guess she read this her foot moved. Nice.

I file this puppy under general.

What’s the deal? Wasn’t this THE way to do it back in the day? That’s how you took someone. Poison. I watched ROME, I know stuff like this.

If I get famous I’m going to have a taster. Someone who makes sure nobody was going to try and poison me.

Wait forget that, I’m going to get one now. Not when I’m famous.

Seriously, I hate when people run red lights. Cut the shit. The light is red. Stop.

Do you run red lights? Fuck you.

The wagon is back suckers. Sabbatical? Take your fancy vocab and shove it. It was a pee break and nothing more. We’ll be back with some new categories, but fear not - keeping the old ones.

As far as what I’ve been doing, I’m pregnant now. Straight out of Junior.

Yeah, here’s a great fucking idea for a movie, let’s pretend the future governor of California got pregnant and Danny Devito can climb out of his uterus.

But seriously, I’ve got them.

Been a bit delayed on updates all. Fear not, big things in the works. Monday is funday for justicewagon. I’ll post some bogus links between now and then to keep you entertained.

imo.

If television shows were people who would they be…

“LOST” - Lost is that girl that you fell for hard. Then you broke up, she did gosh knows what with who knows what, then she called you after feeling bad about herself, you dated for like a few weeks, rinse repeat. You know the drill.

Cut the shit Lost. Stop dragging me along. Three crap episodes then boom a hit. “Hey, let’s just air a bunch of shit then make a killer season finale”.

By the way, I don’t mean to make it about women but I am a man-boy so we’re going to have to relate to chicks here broskis.

“The Simpsons” - The Simpsons is that girl you dated in highschool that was really pretty. She put on a few pounds in college but when you went home you guys would bang in the ulgiest of ways - neither of you telling anybody about it. Now, 4 years later, both of you single, you still call her after the clock double strikes twelve (after midnight, 12 beers deep).

Seriously, have you ever watched the old Simpsons? They were HILARIOUS. Like laugh out loud funny brilliant. Now it’s like some art school drop out read a book called “how to write the Simpsons but insert awkwardly topical humor in an effort to make the show not funny” and followed directions.

“Sportscenter” - Sportscenter is and always will be your large and lazy dog. You’d really miss him if he was gone, but let’s face facts - you don’t care enough to wash him.

Ok it’s not a person.

“Entourage” - Entourage is that dude who came out with you and your buddies from your buddy’s work and was a bad ass cool dude. He helped you meet chicks, he knew the bartender, it was awesome, what a crazy night.

Then you went out with him again and he stole all your cash. What the fuck? What happened to the awesome guy I knew? This guy is a DICK.

Seriously HBO, just cancel this fucking show. It’s horrible now. Some terrible movie gets made, but I don’t know! Maybe it will be awesome when they edit it! Eat shit. You’re lucky they have DVR or nobody would watch this crap.

“That 70’s Show” - I wish I didn’t have to make it a person, because That 70’s Show is a dime that you see on the street. You only have to bend over to pick it up, but seriously, it’s just a fucking dime.

That 70’s Show is that realllllly quiet friend you have that usually shows up to the party first, and leaves last. He’s kind of annoying to talk to, but he’s great for that dull moment in the middle of the party when you have nothing to do. If he did not show up you would be indifferent, and if he did show up you would, again, be indifferent.

That’s all for now. I demand mailbag! I demand feedback!

YES! www.justicewagon.com is going to have a mailbag! You heard it right?

Who to email - chuck@deucescracked.com

What to email - things that need to be on the wagon.

When to email - NOW! Once I have enough for a mailbag it’s coming!

Where to email - See who.

Why to email - justice.

How to email - Get a rake and hit yourself in the head with it. When you’re done, drink a whole thing watered down mayonnaise and call your loneliest relative. Boom.

Let’s go.

Super Bowl weekend. Holy mackerel is all I have to say. On one side of things I’m excited for it to be over/happening because of both tension and the fact that I really can’t seem to remember that its “Super Bowl” and not “Superbowl”. Go figure.

However, this also means that football is coming to an end. What a cruel, cruel way to rob me of a dead day of the week. I mean, while Sundays are “Sundays” - you don’t have to do anything! Fuck it! FOOTBALL is on. As much as we all love football there have got to be plenty of middle aged dudes 30 times more miserable than me reminding their once attractive wives week in and week out that it’s “football season!” even though they don’t even like the game all too much.

Who am I kidding. I just explained why people bet on sports. Because face facts - you don’t care who wins the Arizona/Kansas City game. You just don’t.

But you would if you have 2 dimes on the game! Hiyooooooo.

So super bowl predictions? Are for idiots. I have no idea what’s going to happen. I’m a giants fan. Trying to determine who is going to win is a bad idea for me. It’s like having a kid who sucks at Tae Kwan Do and putting him in some tournament. Things click and he does pretty well - now ah shit he’s in the championship. You want to think he can win but at the same time you’re also preparing yourself for the post-loss speech.

Of course, the Giants can win this game. And they can win it with style. If the Giants win I think it will probably be the greatest game I’ve ever actually had the pleasure of watching. There’s no way we win this 21-6 or something (unless i stick with the plan and do run Brady over before the game). We’re going to win it 35-34 or something crazy like that. Back and forth.

What ruins it clearly is that the Pats can actually win this game 42-0 and make it awful. Not fair IMO.

Right now I’m on the LIRR. If I had to allocate fair shares of my misery to maybe 5 different things in this world (including people, places, things, omg nouns!) one of them would probably be the LIRR. Until around 35 seconds ago I was convinced this woman next to me (sans bluetooth headset) was in fact that not talk to anyone at all. I guess there was a big sale somewhere around Jamaica station because people got on the train real serious with about 15 bags each. I looked for some kind of bizarre car accident out the window but didn’t see any so I guess they did pay for it all.

Of course, nobody is better than busy douche bag on the train. Look out! Here comes the blackberry! There’s nothing wrong having a blackberry - in fact I feel bad for most people who have them thrust upon them. But there is something wrong with the dudes who emails his buddy to update his fantasy rosters and acts like he just had to dump 2 million shares of microsoft.

Since when do guys cross their legs? Like a lady crosses them I mean. I always thought girls only did that because they were wearing skirt. One time in 6th grade a girl forgot to and, well, we all knew about it. It was for some reason the day when we had like a circle discussion. And it was 1st and 2nd period “Reading and Language Arts” (for some reason this school was above calling it English class I guess). So it was the hot topic all day.

Oh to be young. (is to be sad) - good song imo.