Blogging is about sharing highs and lows.

Of course, as you can tell by my lack of a post, I’ve been struck with a long “high” or “low” streak. Unfortunately we’re looking at the latter, and I’ve been pretty down in the dumps lately for some time now. Poker has sucked, but that’s not what’s been really bringing me down.

I’ve accidentally watched about 5 episodes of Sex and the City.

I know what you’re thinking - this show isn’t that bad! Pony Parker runs around and bangs that dude from the United States of Tara (worth watching imo) but is still in love with a chubby rich guy she calls big. Apparently the prettiest one (the brunette) can’t make a baby, the redhead chick is crabby, and the blonde one manages to find an offensively handsome man everywhere she goes and bang him.

I really don’t mind most of those things. What I do mind is Pony Parker (my brother told me that’s what the celeb blogs call her) runs around like a high class prostitute in some of the most ridiculous fucking clothing I have ever seen in my entire life. She has great abs, don’t get me wrong, but the middle part of her shirt has to be missing in about 90% of the series. No big deal right? Well, if I was walking around NYC and saw some woman dressed like she was, I would immediately make way for her to walk past me because she may be Amy Winehouse’s shadow or ghost or understudy or possible a witch or female wizard.

Female wizardry is a much bigger issue in today’s world than we really want to discuss. Until the FDA bans substances increasing casting abilities I really don’t know what to do.

Good to be back.

The guys at deucescracked have made me a rabid fan of apple computers. I have an iphone and a powerbook, and after you have those 2 things all you really need to live are your debit card, a pair of jeans, an un-assuming sweater, some eco-friendly boots, and of course a sweet backpack to put the laptop in. (Undergarments and means to fund the aforementioned debit card assumed).

However, apple downplays genius and brilliance worse than any company ever.

“The Genius Bar” - is yo’ shit fucked? Lol imma give you a new one. I mean, I guess it is pretty genius but, well.

Then I get this email from apple - “Brilliant gift ideas. Give ipod.”

If that stuff’s genius, I’m Ootant.

I told you so.

I don’t know what I’m going to do or who I’m going to pay to do it but I’m ditching this site layout. We will have an awesome new wagon that will let me host the lando comics a lot better.

The first man to own his own spaceship will be Al Davis, owner of the Oakland Raiders. He will crash it in a blaze of glory into the Indian Ocean.

The Raiders will win the superbowl 2 weeks later, despite the crash being in June.

I remember I was in some drug store, I think CVS. Anyway I was semi-lost in thought when this kid walked in dressed like Harry Potter. He clearly went bananas earlier the day because his costume was fucked.

Anyway, the kid couldn’t have been older than 4 or 5 and his Mom had had enough that day. The kid had that distant stare like he too was lost in thought, but I mean he’s 4 or 5, what was he thinking about?

I decided he was a real wizard in his own head. And immediately dubbed that kid more bad ass than anyone in the drug store. I was wondering if he was more bad ass than anyone in town - simply because he woke up and said “Mom Imma dress like a wizard k?” and then dressed like a wizard…

Then I realized it was Halloween. Sorry kid, you’re shit out of luck.

I probably was buying body wash and deodorant.

Get out your fucking checkbook.

That has got to be the worst fucking card ever made.

1) Some asshole actually made that card. He literally went out of his way to make that card. There was a design process. “What are we going to do with this weird sunflower picture you drew?” “Sorry card.” “Who gets someone a card when they’re sorry?” “People who can’t afford flowers?”

2) “Forgive Me?” Seriously? You better attach this card to a fucking race car if you think I’m going to forgive you for anything if you gave me this card. They say it’s the thought that counts but honestly, I’d rather not know thoughts like this existed.

What type of situations merit and “I’m Sorry” card. Come to think of it I might just buy like 50 of these and keep them on me to give out when I fart in the elevator or something. “What’s that smell?” Boom here’s a card. I could probably buy like $500 worth of Applebee’s gift cards to stuff in there (get them at a discount I’m sure). Some would take it as “Great, this guy is giving me a gift card for when I get my appetite back” while the others will think “what the fuck did he eat at applebee’s? It smells like old tires in here.”

A lot of people I know like to go to Atlantic City for the weekend. Most of these people are poker players, there to play some live poker rather than sit with a nice cold can of tab on a Sunday and play in the Stars million or something. They are fucking nuts.

The rest though, have this crazy thought in their head that Atlantic City is some glorious Disney Land for 22 year olds, rather than the Euro Disney for geriatrics that it is.

Now don’t get me wrong, I love Atlantic City - as a family destination. That’s right I said it, FAMILY destination. My mom loves the slot machines, my brother and sister do to, and we go, and talk and smile and that’s really that. Get a nice-ish dinner somewhere and then go watch an $18 movie in the hotel room. When I go with my dad we do the typical “fuck yeah live poker is gonna be awesome” on the way down and the “well that was fun but we should have played online and gotten a real steak in Manhattan” on the way home. Standard male bonding.

Now Vegas, I’ll give you Vegas. Vegas is a pretty snappy place, with big ass towers, celebrities out and about - but like anything else you have to be in the right spots. Atlantic City? You have like 4 spots to be in. Don’t go outside unless you want to see what a real hooker looks like (you do NOT). Sure, they have their events there and such. But c’mon. It’s in New Jersy.

It’s in New Jersey.

All I’m saying is don’t expect much when you go there. If you go with your friends I’m sure you’ll have a great time.