There are big time restaurant with famous chefs and stores with fancy shit people want already that go out of business on the regular.

Then there’s this hand made soap store that blows bubbles out of a machine down the block from me. And there are the dozens of crappy “lol I went to NYC!” stores all over midtown that somehow manage to stay in business.

For those of you who haven’t had the pleasure of living in or visiting Manhattan - there are like whole city blocks of these SHIT stores. Literally they just sell shit. Like, taxi candles and porcelain Statue of Liberties. You can buy like 40 t-shirts for $8 there (if you’re willing to get a rash every time you put one on). I don’t think I’ve ever seen anyone else in there. They have sodas from like 1976 (TAB for the win!) and I mean seriously - they’ve got to be selling drugs there or something.

Sprinkled amongst them are these bogus discount electronics stores that prop up latptops in the window with shockingly low price tags. Tom Hanks describes these stores better than I ever could in an old SNL bit I’ve included below.

Vegas is crazy. I’m putting this in Manhattan Adventures because I’m not in Manhattan right now and feel like a fish out of water. So for this adventure we’ll run through Vegas like the she-devil harpy that she is.

Las Vegas is hot. I know it’s in the desert or whatever and I should have known that. But it is hot outside. Like > 100 degrees (that’s Fahrenheit you crazy Euros! Viva la resistance!). You think you come ready, then you realize you’re walking around in a casino all day anyway. I’m wearing a black hooded sweatshirt right now and jeans. No joke imo.

Living off the strip is creepy. When you’re on the strip, you just assume people don’t live here. Then you tell people you’re living here for the summer and they like let you into their little world of Vegas. Apparently they don’t all live in the casinos and completely disappear when they’re not working. At least it isn’t Atlantic City, where you hope for the safety and well being of your dealer that they actually do that after their shift is over.

I haven’t seen a single hooker. Last time I was in Vegas they were hitting the streets like extras from West Side Story. Not today. I guess that means I’m moving up in the world - when the hookers blend in a bit more. Because let’s face it, I’ve seen them, I’m just too dumb to know.

People walk all over Vegas. What’s that about? Each casino is like ridiculously far apart. There are some weird casinos

I’ve REALLY gotten a kick of going up to te big name pros and saying hey to them. But more than that, I’d go up to the pros that you’d only really know if you knew a lot about poker and saying hello to them, but like on a first name basis. David Benyamine was the best - I went up to him and just said “Hey David” and he like froze in his tracks. Was pretty epic imo.

Anyway, $10k LHE today. Go me.

Check it out out out caramello - new category! Manhattan Adventures! This city is fucked six ways from Sunday but of course that’s how I like my women. I’ll be reporting back on the wagon with the more absurd things I spot. Below is a wondrous little ad (do I have to take the phone number off? I don’t think so right?) . I guess if I knew how to juggle and had a printer I would charge $50/lesson (how long is a lesson?) as well.

Unfortunately for this person, you can see there was a creepy guy ad behind there so when I saw this I immediately assumed it was a horrible idea. In the event I run out of things to write about a juggling trip report will come I promise.

Fuck that we should think up some ridiculous things I can put up posters for, and charge $50/lesson.

• “Eating deli meats” - $50/lesson - $65 w/condiments.
• “Ignoring your loved ones” - $50/lesson (1/2 off if you don’t tell them you come).
• “Sleeping through important things” - free because showing up would be against the concept of the course, no?
• “Get rich quick!” - A course where I teach you how to turn your seemingly irrelevant life skills into “$50 per lesson” gold mines!

However, this dude does include stilt walking lessons in his bit. Maybe not enough room in the market for me.

If this ad stays up for a week I’m buying a printer and taking up all the space next to his with these posters.