There are big time restaurant with famous chefs and stores with fancy shit people want already that go out of business on the regular.

Then there’s this hand made soap store that blows bubbles out of a machine down the block from me. And there are the dozens of crappy “lol I went to NYC!” stores all over midtown that somehow manage to stay in business.

For those of you who haven’t had the pleasure of living in or visiting Manhattan - there are like whole city blocks of these SHIT stores. Literally they just sell shit. Like, taxi candles and porcelain Statue of Liberties. You can buy like 40 t-shirts for $8 there (if you’re willing to get a rash every time you put one on). I don’t think I’ve ever seen anyone else in there. They have sodas from like 1976 (TAB for the win!) and I mean seriously - they’ve got to be selling drugs there or something.

Sprinkled amongst them are these bogus discount electronics stores that prop up latptops in the window with shockingly low price tags. Tom Hanks describes these stores better than I ever could in an old SNL bit I’ve included below.

That has got to be the worst fucking card ever made.

1) Some asshole actually made that card. He literally went out of his way to make that card. There was a design process. “What are we going to do with this weird sunflower picture you drew?” “Sorry card.” “Who gets someone a card when they’re sorry?” “People who can’t afford flowers?”

2) “Forgive Me?” Seriously? You better attach this card to a fucking race car if you think I’m going to forgive you for anything if you gave me this card. They say it’s the thought that counts but honestly, I’d rather not know thoughts like this existed.

What type of situations merit and “I’m Sorry” card. Come to think of it I might just buy like 50 of these and keep them on me to give out when I fart in the elevator or something. “What’s that smell?” Boom here’s a card. I could probably buy like $500 worth of Applebee’s gift cards to stuff in there (get them at a discount I’m sure). Some would take it as “Great, this guy is giving me a gift card for when I get my appetite back” while the others will think “what the fuck did he eat at applebee’s? It smells like old tires in here.”