I told you so.

This is a new IM game I invented. At the root of it, I suck at IM. At the root of the root I need a way to blow up someone’s spaceship because it is Blowing Up Spaceships Month on the wagon.

RULES:
1. To blow up someone’s spaceship, you must send them the following 3 instant messages, one at a time
<targeting>ur.spacehip</targeting>
<wrecked>ur.shit</wrecked>
<blowedup>ur.spaceship</blowedup>

2. You can NOT copy and paste the 3 lines of destruction code or any part of the code.

3. A spelling error counts as a miss. No blown up spaceship.

4. If the user is “away”, you can not shoot them unless they have sent you an instant message within the past 3 minute - UNLESS that IM says some form of goodbye.

Example: I send you an instant message while my status is some sort of “away” - for the next 3 minutes you can target my spacehip.
I send you an instant message while my status is some sort of “away” and then say “k, ty” or “ttyl” or some sort of short IM way of saying “good bye” - spaceship is NOT targetable.

5. If you are being targeted, you can stop the process by responding “DENY” before all 3 instant messages are sent.

6. Firing upon a ship that can not be targeted will result in you blowing up your own spaceship.

I’ll be adding new rules whenever I want if the game needs changing, but as is, this seems awesome.

Lando is the referee.

I don’t know what I’m going to do or who I’m going to pay to do it but I’m ditching this site layout. We will have an awesome new wagon that will let me host the lando comics a lot better.

The first man to own his own spaceship will be Al Davis, owner of the Oakland Raiders. He will crash it in a blaze of glory into the Indian Ocean.

The Raiders will win the superbowl 2 weeks later, despite the crash being in June.

Number one that troubled military kid could not drive a spaceship. Fact.

There are also no parking garages for spaceships. At least not ones that Han Solo doesn’t hang out at. That would be a problem because that’s where everybody Tokyo Drifts.

Body kits for spaceships are gonna be tough. You have to make sure that the sweet blue flames that come out the rocket boosters don’t melt everything. They melt a lot of shit so you want to test it on something like a crappy ship first. Tokyo Drifter Spaceship drivers always.

The bigger the spoiler the better.

Loan payments on spaceships would be a bitch to collect. That means these kids are paying straight cash (or gold or rubies - see: RPGs) for these spaceships. This is in line with the Tokyo Drift because one of the kid sells firecrackers and oregano bags out of the back of his spaceship. In the parking garage.

Anakin Skywalker is that fat guy that puts sound systems in your spaceship. He got hung up on Natalie Portman, but she wasn’t having it so he flipped out and threw peanuts at some kid at the peanut allergy table at jedi camp. The kid’s throat closed but House was there (ends up the kid had legionar’s disease or something crazy but house was doped up so Cameron solved it). Anyway they kicked him out and when Obi Wan was forced to warn everyone in the neighborhood he was a registered sex offender, Anakin’s Mom wouldn’t let him go back. He couldn’t make any more pod racers because that little bug guy was dead so he opened up a body shop but ended up just doing sound systems.

We’ll come back to this but basically, all these kids with the Tokyo Drift Spaceships blow up all the time. Kaboom.

It’s Blowing Up Spaceships Month.

Guest stars will be: Lando, and maybe my brother.

Keep your eyes peeled. Unless your eyes are bananas. Then they’ll get all brown and smooshy.

Who was that skinny guy that was on screen in between the commercials before a movie? That weiner guy who was on “screen vision” or whatever you call it.

Anyway, quickbooks for Mac has a weiner guy too. So does UPS.

Fellas,

You guys are weiners.

Love,

Everybody

PS - I liked it better when I wondered if that was actually you writing on the whiteboard UPS guy. I was like “wow, this guy can really draw on a whiteboard.” Now I know you are a no-talent weiner.

That’s shipping with UPS.

I’ve been on and off the phone all day with the one and only Joe “The Ball” Tall. I realized about 20 minutes ago that what I’m doing right now is considered my job.

Thanks Jay, Rob, Chris, and Joe. Best job ever.

LOL WHO ARE WE KIDDING - Bikini Inspector is better.

Not taking anything 100% seriously since he was 19,

Charles