Number one that troubled military kid could not drive a spaceship. Fact.

There are also no parking garages for spaceships. At least not ones that Han Solo doesn’t hang out at. That would be a problem because that’s where everybody Tokyo Drifts.

Body kits for spaceships are gonna be tough. You have to make sure that the sweet blue flames that come out the rocket boosters don’t melt everything. They melt a lot of shit so you want to test it on something like a crappy ship first. Tokyo Drifter Spaceship drivers always.

The bigger the spoiler the better.

Loan payments on spaceships would be a bitch to collect. That means these kids are paying straight cash (or gold or rubies - see: RPGs) for these spaceships. This is in line with the Tokyo Drift because one of the kid sells firecrackers and oregano bags out of the back of his spaceship. In the parking garage.

Anakin Skywalker is that fat guy that puts sound systems in your spaceship. He got hung up on Natalie Portman, but she wasn’t having it so he flipped out and threw peanuts at some kid at the peanut allergy table at jedi camp. The kid’s throat closed but House was there (ends up the kid had legionar’s disease or something crazy but house was doped up so Cameron solved it). Anyway they kicked him out and when Obi Wan was forced to warn everyone in the neighborhood he was a registered sex offender, Anakin’s Mom wouldn’t let him go back. He couldn’t make any more pod racers because that little bug guy was dead so he opened up a body shop but ended up just doing sound systems.

We’ll come back to this but basically, all these kids with the Tokyo Drift Spaceships blow up all the time. Kaboom.

It’s Blowing Up Spaceships Month.

Guest stars will be: Lando, and maybe my brother.

Keep your eyes peeled. Unless your eyes are bananas. Then they’ll get all brown and smooshy.

Who was that skinny guy that was on screen in between the commercials before a movie? That weiner guy who was on “screen vision” or whatever you call it.

Anyway, quickbooks for Mac has a weiner guy too. So does UPS.

Fellas,

You guys are weiners.

Love,

Everybody

PS - I liked it better when I wondered if that was actually you writing on the whiteboard UPS guy. I was like “wow, this guy can really draw on a whiteboard.” Now I know you are a no-talent weiner.

That’s shipping with UPS.

I’ve been on and off the phone all day with the one and only Joe “The Ball” Tall. I realized about 20 minutes ago that what I’m doing right now is considered my job.

Thanks Jay, Rob, Chris, and Joe. Best job ever.

LOL WHO ARE WE KIDDING - Bikini Inspector is better.

Not taking anything 100% seriously since he was 19,

Charles

I remember I was in some drug store, I think CVS. Anyway I was semi-lost in thought when this kid walked in dressed like Harry Potter. He clearly went bananas earlier the day because his costume was fucked.

Anyway, the kid couldn’t have been older than 4 or 5 and his Mom had had enough that day. The kid had that distant stare like he too was lost in thought, but I mean he’s 4 or 5, what was he thinking about?

I decided he was a real wizard in his own head. And immediately dubbed that kid more bad ass than anyone in the drug store. I was wondering if he was more bad ass than anyone in town - simply because he woke up and said “Mom Imma dress like a wizard k?” and then dressed like a wizard…

Then I realized it was Halloween. Sorry kid, you’re shit out of luck.

I probably was buying body wash and deodorant.

NOBODY wants to read these, I know. Me blogging about poker. But I don’t really care because if I keep sharing every single interesting hand with Krantz (excuse me, every not interesting hand) he’ll probably hang me. And well, I’ve decided I’m just going to share them on here.

Heads Up NL has been winning the race lately - and by that I mean I’ll open up a LHE table and a NLHE table with the intention of playing 1 of the 2, and the first to fill has been the NL tables. It’s pretty cyclical it seems. All the 6max LHE regs run bad there, move to HU, win 200bbs, then run bad for 2 days at HULHE and run back to their 6max games. Fine with me.

To be honest I still prefer LHE, though the money has been better at NLHE. There’s more “I already know” moments in LHE but I’d like to have it be the same for HUNL sooner or later.

I just realized even I don’t want to write this.

Back to geico commercials. If I had a kid that went to school with the kids whose Dad made those commercials I’d tell my kid to be friends with that kid, then get invited over for a pool party. At the pool party I’d show up. First off I’d give the kid mustard as a gift. Why? Imagine opening up wrapping paper and seeing mustard. My grandpa wraps up cans of vegetables for us on Christmas as a gift, but we know it’s coming and he gets a kick out of it.

Anyway, 8 year old kid opening up tickle me elmo’s or whatever then suddenly, some Golden’s Spicy Brown. Kids don’t like that kind of mustard.

Anyway, after the kid opened it I’d push his dad in the pool. When his Dad asked why I’d tell him it was to ruin his blackberry, so he couldn’t send any more emails approving Geico commercials. Then I’d steal his wife, who invented the Gecko clearly.

I’d have to buy my kid something nice, but I could afford it. Why? Because I would have saved a bunch of money by switching my insurance to Geico. Why? Because the Gecko told me to do it.

NOT the caveman.

Please note this one goes under Corn-Gratulations.

I don’t have a cardsmall.png because it’s only for the replayer. It looks fine in the replayer window so I kept it like that. TBH the one I had was kinda bogus so I never used it.

Sweet ad that promised that if I shot the iPhone, I would in fact win a free one. First off, my empty life has already been filled with the technological pony dance that is the iPhone.

Second, I do NOT want to party with the dude who still to this day shoots the iPhone thinking he will in fact win one.

BTW clearly the shooting of the iPhone is in some flash ad. For clarification that is.

Now, in my younger days, I would actually click these links. Why? Because I was so bored at work sometimes that the only game I could play to pass the time was that “hit the ball out of the park and Orbitz will fly you around with a gnome stapled to your neck” or whatever. That game was awesome.

But did I ever think I would actually win anything? No. I’d love to meet the guy who gets excited, nervous, and all pumped. Like “here’s my shot - let’s go Roy, hit this fucking iPhone!” He sits up. Leans in all close. Slides the mouse cursor. Holds his breath. Points. Clicks.

Misses.

Fail.

Get out your fucking checkbook.

Been on a roll lately with Krantz. He has managed to drag me to CrossFit a bunch. I feel like a million bucks. We signed up for a second gym near our apartment so we can get back to practicing basketball. It’s a bit annoying when the 5′11″ jewish guy is closer to dunking than the 6′4″ kid whose dad played ball but of course I root for him. We tried to play HU4Lunch bball today but we both moved like I moved 2 years ago.

Excited for playing more in the feature when my legs don’t hurt. Felt light on my feet, I think I’ll be grabbing rim shortly, which will help me with boarding.

Got a sick session in today which ended up in me recording a vid vs. a DC member which will air this Thursday. TBH I was kinda shocked in the lack of love for the last vid I did with Jay because it really blew me away. He outdid himself today again. I really had no idea he was that good at poker. I knew he was the best, but didn’t know that was how good the best was. Hopefully that makes sense.

On to more tangable things - who gives a shit about the Raiders. I just heard it on ESPN in the background. Because I am not in NY and getting direct TV was a huge chore, I had to go out to a bar at 10am on a Sunday to watch the Giants a few weeks ago. On one of the screens was the Raiders/Chiefs game. Wow. There were these solid bro pals hanging out and watching the Raiders, all excited. Well, one guy was but he seemingly knew nothing about football. Regardless, he felt obliged to share his knowledge with his buddies at the bar. It was epic fail annoying and the equivalent of two complete idiots trying to explain Real Analysis to one another (horrible joke but that was a hard class).

Anyway, as I chomped down a burger that probably would have tasted better if I had found it in the garbage, I commented to the bartender “man I’ve never actually seen a Raiders fan before!” He then commented that he in fact was a Raiders fan.

“That sucks.” danzasmack